the impulse to hide what I'm doing at my computer still sits so deep even tho I'm literally never looking at anything objectionable , the door will open and I'll hurry to close the page like oh fuck no one can know I'm looking at the Wikipedia page for the Balkans
I was actually kinda close to accidentally changing my name to my spouse’s dead name months before meeting them, which I’m pretty sure we all recognize as a plot of one of the best Transsexual Seinfeld episodes
George: We were hitting it off, and then she tells me her name. *pause*
Jerry: Well? What was it?
George: It was my dead name, Jerry!
Jerry: What are the chances?
George: What are the chances, Jerry?!?!
This is easily the oldest post of mine still in circulation regularly and it is bc I am the earth mother ahead of my time
I love lying to kids. It's so fun. My coworker's daughter said she speaks 2 languages and I said I spoke 17,000 and she narrowed her eyes at me and was like "... no you don't" and it was the cutest thing.
The last time I saw her I told her I was a "half-magician" that can only do 50% of a trick, and I showed her how I can tear a piece of paper in two but can't make it come back together, and she got soooo annoyed with me. Absolutely adorable. Lying to children is the best
the gimmick blogs are like tumblr’s rogue gallery. yes we’ve got some heroes, yes we’ve got some villains, but more importantly if you look over here you will see some freak who devotes all their time to counting the number of “t’s” in a post
T Count: 15
Letter Count: 198
Your T Percentage: 7.58%
Average T Percentage: 6.95%
You used the letter T 1.09 times as much as average!
YOU EXIST???
Sometimes you create a guy and it turns out they already exist
Sometimes that guy has skills beyond your comprehension @identifying-cars-in-posts
1993-1997 Mazda 626
I love all the fun kinds of autism we get here
Posting this iconic piece of media that I just NEVER found online isolated except in an archived reddit thread
It is 1880s America, you are about to spawn as a Historically Significant White Guy. Choose a class:
TROUBLEMAKING FRONTIER PREACHER
- Special Power: Good Christian. Your vague adherence to American protestantism will ensure that law enforcement does not bother you whatsoever.
- Victory condition: Fuck enough of your followers wives to start an inbred theofascist micronation.
MANICALLY AMBITIOUS CON ARTIST
- Special Power: Basic Literacy. You're poor, but you know how to read. They'll never expect it. You may forge literally any document and it will be believed 100% of the time.
- Victory Condition: Steal enough money to fuck off to Latin America. A Spanish speaking nation might as well be the moon to your debtors.
EUROPEAN NOBLE FAILSON
- Special Power: Colonial Wealth. Your funny accent, foppish dress, and noble title, will make any American think you are totally good to buy it on credit.
- Victory Condition: Become the boytoy to the wife of some borderline-gangster politician and save up enough political capital to run for office and get addicted to opium.
DOOMED FRONTIER EXPLORER
- Special Power: How The Fuck Are You Alive. Your freakish diet of pork, whiskey, and maple syrup, makes you entirely immune to all physical injury and disease. Somehow.
- Victory Condition: You have one mission, and one mission only. You need to piss off some completely friendly natives. You need to piss them off so bad they leave your stupid ass to starve in a food forest they've been cultivating for literally thousands of years.
I want this to be a game so badly
enlightened-moron asked:
What are your thoughts on this?
xxtc-96xx answered:
bruh Mewtwo knows what’s up
Mewtwo made the right choice
That time he chucked Mewtwo into a lake
Sniffing glue = gets you high
Glue = made of horses
Sniffing horses = I think we need to do some research!
This is how medicine worked until like 1500